THE HUNGER GAYS : A FANTASTIC PARODY 4 THE FANDOM
by UndiscoveredTalentHere
Summary: Clitoris Everpeenis is just an average girl in district 12...until she gets drafted 4 ze HUNGER GAMES! THIS IS A STUPID silly FUNNy dumbass comedy/parody that any member of this THG fandom would truly enjoy and think is funny. IT ISNT sERIoUS!
1. Meet Clitoris Everpeenis

SUP BITCHES! This is another one of my parodies. This is bitter and weird for me because I haven't been on this website in over TWO YEARS! WOW. So depressing...so I decided to make a parody of the awesome "Hunger Games" series. Dudes, please don't think I write so poorly in real life.

**DISCLAIMER: THIS IS REALLLLLYYYYY RAUNCHY! IF YOUR UNDER 14 PLEASE DON'T READ THIS LEST I TAINT YOUR INNOCENT MINDS!**

ENJOY.

Clitoris Everpeenis is my name. But, for now, you can just call me Clitoris Everpeen. My father named me, but not for a flower, like most of the other girls in my district. Instead he named me for something entirely different. He named me for someone SPECIAL in his life…yeah, that's right, famous district 12 baseball star Doris "Clitoris" Clifford. I never forgave him for giving me his horrid name. I mean, just think about it, it can be rhymed with so many **vulgar** things! For example, Catpiss, Kamptownladiessingthissong, and Katniss, my least favorite kind of plant. But this is all okay now, because my father died not too long ago in a tragic accident up in the peppermint mines, where he scraped the delicious red and white striped goodness off of the great peppermint mountain, which accounts for 60% of our district's annual income. The peppermint grew so sticky, so INCREDIBLY sticky that my father was stuck to it for seven hours, and a mighty peppermint chunk squished his arm in a massive avalanche, causing him to have to chew his own elbow off just to escape. After that, unfortunately, his sticky, minty scent attracted many Wacker Ejaculators, tiny bees that ejaculate into you until you die, and was killed almost instantly. You can infer, then, how weird it looked for a man who had one arm ripped off covered in bee goo to lie there in a puddle when authorities found him dead the next morning. Needless to say, then, that my mother went clinically insane after that, refusing to feed my sister and I, and shouting obscenities out the window daily for all the townsfolk to hear. Wait! Haven't I introduced you to my wonderful sister, Prick? Prick pretty much looks JUST like younger Dakota Fanning, only she has a large unibrow that I have to wax daily lest the bedbugs come back and eat at her face again. Me and Prick love each other, and I have to kill all the neighbor's dog's with my friend, Gator Gale (named for his nastly little habit of raping alligators), just to feed Prick. Her favorite kind of dog to eat is German Shepard. She says they taste like Nazis.


	2. Prick eats a Rabid Dog

_**SUP**. For all of the reviews: thanks for those of you who gave positive feedback. However, in response to the one comment that complained about me not rating this "Mature..." I don't think listing body parts for the sake of fun or cracking a few silly jokes ever hurt anyone let alone anyone over 14 who should, in a normal state of mind for that age, be able to handle a few jokes. Let me remind you as well, SNL (Saturday Night Live) has done many,many shows TRILLIONS of times worse than this...as well as Family Guy, and is rated TV-14...so chill. Plus, I'm in HIGH SCHOOL...and I hang out with kids who are 14, and they think this is perfectly fine. If you have a problem with a parody, don't read it...hater. Plus the shit that is rated "Mature" on here is literally disgusting porn, and it isn't done in a humorous way like mine, it's just raunchy, and I refuse to be gooped up into that category._

_TO THE REST OF YOU...ENJOY! I don't really give two shits if I piss anyone off, but if your a fan of my work I'll love you.** Happy Hunger Games. **_

I typically begin to kill a dog for Prim to consume with me early in the morning, before the sunset/orange soda-colored orange light creeps through my window to gently nudge me up just in time for me to sharpen my doggie spear and grab my pepper spray. When I give Gator Gale a call, he usually is sleeping in the swamp, so after a few failed attempts for getting in contact with him I run over to find him sleeping calmly on the back of an alligator, with his junk falling out of his pants.

"GATOR GALE!" I call in anger as he was supposed to break this gator-raping habit months ago.

"What?" He questioned as he rose from his slimy mud-water sleeping spot to gently nudge his Mike-and-Ike's sized weewee back into his cheetah-pattern Lil Wayne jeans. He wore them for good luck, as today was the day of the "Creeping," a time when all the districts came together to select a young man and woman to avoid death in a large arena filled with various foods. Whoever eats the most food in the end wins. This was put together by the Rapitol, the leading city of all the districts run by rappers, who wanted to keep our sneaky district asses in line after that time we all went anorexic because we wanted to be oober-pretty. Thus, the Rapitol decreed, "Oh yeah? OH YEAH? We'll imma make sho' all y'all districts keep eatin' yo' yumyums, or y'all is gon' be the end of HarlemComptonDetroitBronx-am, our great country, since y'all keep starvin' up in hur!"

And thus it was decreed; the "Creeping" would select two young people to compete in this "Game of Hunger" and obtained these two young people by a random selection when spinning the "Wheel of Scrumdiddlyumtiousness," which had every teenager in HarlemComptonDetriotBronx-am's name on it.

I could tell Gator Gale was getting nervous about the creeping today, so I let this one slide.

"Look here, Gator Gale, I know you must be nervous about today's Creeping, since you applied for Jessie-J (you know that thing where you apply for extra rations for your family but putting your name in the drawing a few extra times), but you must stop raping alligators all the time, we need to kill the Johnson's dog to feed Prick."

"Fine," Gator Gale said, pulling up his belt, whispering, 'Ah, parting is such sweet sorrow, goodbye, my love,' to his gator sex mate.

"Let's go kill the dog now, then." I said as we crept over to the sleeping Great Dane that obviously had rabies judging by the foam in its mouth but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

We gently murdered the dog and brought it to Prick, who ate it thankfully.

"Great hunting, boys!" Prick said to Gale and I.

"FOR THE LAST TIME PRICK, I'M NOT A MAN!" I yelped back at her. She had this nasty habit of accusing me of being a man, for I was a very testosterone-filled woman, and my moustache was coming in full this year. I guess shaving my legs would help too…and to stop saying "Hoo-ah, yeah, get some" every time I killed a squirrel or dog would help too…

But, whatever, at least she was eating her…uh, sanitary dinner now.

"Prick, we're all going to the Creeping very soon, so eat up!" I said politely, disregarding her last blow at my womanhood.

"Aight, bro!" She said as I wiped the rabies from her mouth and held her hand as we all trotted along to the Creeping.

Prick's cat who I had failed to introduce conveniently until now, Nigel Thornberry, blarghed a few times as we walked away valiantly, hands held in unison, walking towards our next great challenge. At this moment, we were free of any bloodshed over the delicious Cheez-Its and treats that lay ahead in the arena…for now.

Oh shit, I forgot to change my tampon.

Stay tuned for more absolute randomness!


	3. Deafy the Pedobear

As I struggled to not reveal the little surprise in my pants, Gator Gale picked Prick up, who was taking way too long to walk and keep up the pace with me and Gale's super man legs. Deafy Discostick, the coordinator and escort to our shitty district, would choose the names at today's creeping by spinning the "Wheel of Scrumdiddlyunptiousness." We could see the group of kids our age crowded around the stage, basking in the awe-inspiring glory of Deafy Discostick and her flamboyant, drag-queen style. Deafy was indeed, a female, but looked just like a drag queen. She quite often wore masks and feathers in her hair, and the new, murdered baby hamster boots didn't help her cause. She was also, as you can infer, deaf. She spoke completely in sign language with her hands, but wasn't very good at it. And the Discostick part…well, that's just her family's actual surname.

Gator Gale, Prick and I toddled over to the teenage mob, groping their hands outwardly just to try and touch Deafy's fluffy duckling cape dangling over them as she fiddled her fingers in dismay at the crowd beneath her.

Everyone simmered down and we all stood like zombies waiting for Deafy to "speak."

However, she didn't notice it was time to quiet down since people were whispering lightly and to her it looked like talking, and thus stood there for a good 37 minutes staring blankly at the audience. By now, Gale and the other boys were on the right side of the mob, while me and Prick stood with the girls on the left. Deafy got a cue from a Rapitol official next to her that it was time to talk so she began.

"Flippy finger, waving hand motion, middle finger, slapping sound." She "said."

We all looked at each other in bewilderment. Suddenly, some magical hologram words in a floating caption appeared underneath her torso.

As she motioned, "Index finger wiggling inside hole made with other hand, wrist spasm, peace sign, lesbian scissor fingers, hot potato hot potato," the caption beneath her read:

"Welcome, Welcome, to the 73,948th annual "Games of Hunger.""

Everyone squinted to read the words, and many people turned to one another with confusion in their eyes. But, we accepted the weirdness, as we were too scared thinking about who would get chosen when the massive wheel that was being rolled out behind Deafy Discostick was spun.

"Twiddling fingers, index finger making a loop-dee loop, thumbs up, pointing to her own crotch." She acted out as underneath her the caption read:

"Bitches first!"

Deafy spun the "Wheel of Scrumdiddlyumptiousness" as she smiled a creepy-ass smile to the audience.

We all waited in fear and agony.

But…then the wheel spun for 98 minutes. Gator Gale glanced at me.

"Oooh, boy, she trippin!" He whispered and I nodded.

Finally, the wheel stopped slowly on a name that wasn't visible to anyone in the audience…Deafy read aloud…

"Prickrose Everpeenis!"

I totes-mygotes freaked out. Prick cried as two large, black police officers carried her up to the ever-creepy Deafy, who waited with open arms and licked her lips. The black dudes placed Prick in her arms, and she rocked Prick and stroked her hair in an oober-creepy way.

I just couldn't take how weird that look on Deafy's face was…I mean, otherwise I would have let Prick go to the arena but, this face she made was SO FREAKIN PEDOPHILEY, that I had to go up and volunteer, lest Prick get molested.

"I volunteer, because you're a trippy pedobear!" I said as I ran past the African-American guards that kinda look like storm-troopers. Deafy dropped Prick and allowed her to return to the crowd, while I gloomily walked up the stairs to the stage to stand next to Deafy, who looked unamused.

"How old are you?" She questioned with a few spins of her thumb and I contemplated why she even cared.

"Uh, 16?" I said as her face dropped.

"Shiiiit," the caption read below her, as she gave two middle fingers super close to my face, "If only you were under 13."

I was all like, the fuck? But then she spun the wheel again and I was concerned as to who would be my male counterpart.

It stopped on a boy named Peter Mycock.

I only remember Peter for this one time I was starving and to make fun of me he threw rock-hard burnt bread at my face.

The kid's a total douche.

TOBBEEECONTINNUUUUEEEEDD


End file.
